yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
