i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
