there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
