I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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