I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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