so explain again why im purple
no
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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