Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
