You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are a genius and a whore.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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