so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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