There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
