Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
