im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
