drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
