Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
