went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
