During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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