Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
