then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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