she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
