my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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