wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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