eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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