I cockslap morals
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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