How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
