Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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