we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
