If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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