You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
