I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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