She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
