Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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