Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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