if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
