I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
