I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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