9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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