The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's even glitter on my cock...
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