woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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