My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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