Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
