Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
