after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
