i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
