the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do vagina's smell?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
