Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
