I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
