I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
