One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
