im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
