i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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