omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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