Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
