laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
